How is it possible that there are still traces of you in my life? When you never gave me back my words, my time or my tears. Some months ago all turned to dust. But dust that keeps piling on my shelves, keeps suffocating my heart. Why I can not let it go when the only thing I do is try? It is just spinning around in circle, trying to find a reason, an excuse. How do you find an excuse for a broken heart? Something that will justify what I have done and what I have lost on the road. Something to keep me going and say that there not everything was for nothing. Not all the time was I that naive and stupid. And saying and hearing that you don't deserve me is the worst. It makes no sense, as you have figured out your life, you've made it the way it was before, you are all happy with this old-new person of yours, while I am the one every day drowning in tears, I am the one with no compass, with no direction. So how does that "not deserving me" should make me feel better? I am writing this cuz I can't sleep, and I can't sleep cuz I am damaged. Just why is this so fucking hard, why? I would give anything to erase all the memories. To forget about the past two years of my life and stop being pathetic and suicidal. 
Can it just stop, can it fucking stop hurting so much?